Pomp and Circumstance
My daughter graduated from high school today. A simple thing, yet monumental. In a way, this day is the culmination of much of what we concerned ourselves with for the past 16 years. Three years of preschool, one year of kindergarten and eight years of grade school and four years of high school. I was there for her as she struggled with this class or soared in that class. I watched countless choir concerts, school plays, band and orchestra concerts. I supervised hundreds of hours of homework, test preparation and instrument and vocal practice. It occurred to me about an hour ago that my daughter has no more homework, no more classes to finish, no more school to rush off to every morning. This past Tuesday morning, I made and packed her very last school lunch without realizing it. I realized it at work about 10am and nearly burst into tears. I won’t miss her monthly tuition payments, but I never once despised them.
My daughter had a rougher start to school life than many kids, though thankfully not as difficult as some. I don’t have the right to discuss her difficulties anymore since she is now an adult, but I can say that it involved numerous doctor appointments, days of heartache (more mine than hers), illness, strategies, teacher consultations, phone calls and emails. I will also say that at one point during her third year of life, I could not say whether she would ever graduate from high school. Somewhere between third and fourth grade, I realized that she was going to be alright. The fact that she has graduated from a rigorous private high school is a true miracle. But the miracle is because good teachers were willing to listen to me, understand my daughter, give a extra measure of grace and patience while still insisting on full expectations.
I’ve spent the past few weeks getting the house ready for a celebration - family today and friends in June. My on-going back problems, coupled with a bad cold, made this week difficult. My husband and I spent the past two days cleaning and preparing food. We left the house for the drive to her high school with only minutes to spare. I was tired, sick and not prepared for the sight of my daughter and her classmates lined up in the hall in their caps and gown. I felt the tears begin, but I held back. Once settled into our seats in the bleachers with many family members around us, that music began. The song that made me cry at my own college commencement: Pomp and Circumstance March No 1.. Oh, I wasn’t ready to here that song and see my daughter walking in a procession of graduates. I watched the students enter the gymnasium solemnly led by two pastors and the valedictorian and salutatorian. I silently began to sob. I was literally shaking. Sheesh! My sister moved to sit next to me. My 16 year old son looked at me in horror. I thought it was hopeless, but then my brother-in-law saved the day by leaning over and saying, “Here, have a Lifesaver! We burst into laughter and I was able to pull myself back together. Maybe in two years, I’ll be more ready for my son’s graduation.
So why cry at seeing my daughter in the processional? The beauty of tradition, the pride of graduation, the emotion of a beautiful and meaningful song. Some people thought I was sad at the thought of my daughter leaving home. That’s an odd thought; somehow, I know that she will always be a constant presence in our lives. I have total peace about that. I cried because it was all so beautiful and wonderful. It was the fulfillment of one dream and a glimpse of a new dream. This day was good and I thank God for it. His grace and love have shone on us during the sad times and the good times. Our love has wavered, but His love hasn’t. God is good!
I’m so happy for you (and your daughter).
I know that feeling you speak of, because I’ve had it with my son. It’s difficult for me to put into words, exactly, but I think I know just what you mean about that point when you know that things will be “ok” for them. They might not be exactly what you had envisioned and/or ideally hoped for, for them, but that’s ok, because things will work out. My son’s about to turn 9, and I remember when we wondered/worried about if he was going to talk or not. He’s an amazing kid, and God has blessed us with good, caring folks in the local school system. And hearing about a success story like yours is heartening as well.
Thank you…
Congratulations to you, your husband and your daughter!
Parents bear the scars of every disappointment, every challenge and every crisis in their child’s life — but the scars never fully heal. If you are like me and many other mothers, you undoubtedly sheltered your daughter from your fears and worries. So you have a completely different perspective than she has on how far she has come and what you all have overcome.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful success story. It made my heart hurt to read it, but in a good way. I would have been blinking back sappy, sentimental, bittersweet tears the whole time I was packing her lunch and probably crying myself to sleep the night before.
Like you and Glen, I have a miracle child who defied the odds. Nearly ten years ago I had to pull him out of high school because his social inadequacies were sabotaging his academic progress. I enrolled him in a fully accredited online public high school, but he never received his diploma. At age 19, he entered community college to earn a computer networking certificate and study Japanese. Now he is 24 years old, works part-time as a computer tech and lives at home while completing his A.A. degree. Through 5 years of college, he has maintained a 4.0 average.
I long ago stopped comparing my son to “normal” kids his age. I doubt that I will ever stop comparing him to the hopeless dropout he might have been.
I have often suspected that our stories are not as rare as people might think. I’ve been meaning to write a book on that, but this blog post may be the most I’ll ever write. It needs to be said that judgments made about children and learning before the age of 7 or 8 are often wrong or very inaccurate. For some children, it all doesn’t come together until then. Some children pull all their skills together by age 4! Also, great learners at age 4 are not always great learners at age 12 or 16.
If your child is one of those model students at a young age, don’t let your guard down. I’ve seen many of those kids fall apart as puberty hits because their young abilities don’t translate into the skills a teenager needs. Young superstars fall victim to bad stress management choices (sex, drugs and alcohol) when they realize they have no idea how to become a young teen. My own kids struggled in the junior high years, and while it wasn’t very pretty, they made it through. I am still trying to understand the process of how a child moves through adolescence to adulthood. That the world and ourselves are mired in sin is sometimes the only explanation.
The education of your child never ends. Each year you need to watch closely, listen very carefully to your student and his teacher and you need to remain your child’s lead teacher.
The American public school system is the envy of most of the world, though some smaller countries do better. I am thankful for our schools, but many parents know that public school setting simply don’t work for their children. I am also thankful that we had the ability to find an alternative. I spent ten years as a special education teacher and left when things seemed the worst with my family. I knew I needed to be a case manager to my own family.
Through the encouragement of a fellow special ed teacher, I found the Lutheran school system. Though I’ve found many great teachers in the public school system (and many Christians), many of the blessings from a child having a called worker to Christ’s church - throughly trained as a teacher, as well as a Christian worker - are not duplicable in the public school classroom.: concepts of God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, prayer, original sin, God’s holy love, Christian love for each other, fulfilling God-given vocations, grace, salvation, forgiveness through baptism, strengthening through Holy Communion, confession and absolution…the list is much longer.
In a Christian school, a child who has trouble in a couple of areas of learning or behavior has so many more areas of ability and learning to add to the list of who they are. Teachers and principals are not afraid to embrace a difficult child because they are trained and able to look at all aspects of a child’s life: spiritual, academic, personal, etc. A loud child can be equally known as an encourager who can use his or her gift of boldness on the playing field or on the theater stage. A contrary child can learn to apply his skills of critique and discernment in defense of the faith. Both can also be challenged to develop the opposite skills to the glory of God. Do these things happen in public school? Sure. Very often? Not to my knowledge. Not with my children. Have I seen students fail at a Christian school? Yes, I have, but not without many sessions of intervention, prayer and encouragement.
congratulations, I just watched my Daughter graduate from collage, It was very emotional.