He standeth at the door, forlornly knocking, until I decide to let Him in.
The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism
1. Q: What is the chief end of each individual Christian?
A: Each individual Christian’s chief end is to get saved. This is the first and great commandment.2. Q: And what is the second great commandment?
A: The second, which is like unto it, is to get as many others saved as he can.3. Q: What one work is required of thee for thy salvation?
A: It is required of me for my salvation that I make a Decision for Christ, which meaneth to accept Him into my heart to be my personal lord’n’saviour
This list is long. It’s often funny, but also cuts deep. Reading this list is kind of like watching the movie, Saved, for me. Actually, I can’t watch that movie, or at least several parts of it, without it bringing up some really pathetic memories. This list could inspire several separate blog posts, but I don’t have the time for that this summer. Instead, I’ll highlight the ones that state a principle I once believed in, but no longer do. Thank God!
6. Q: By what means is a Decision for Christ made?
A: A Decision for Christ is made, not according to His own purpose and grace which was given to me in Christ Jesus in my baptism, but according to the exercise of my own Free Will in saying the Sinner’s Prayer in my own words.
7. Q: If it be true then that man is responsible for this Decision, how then can God be sovereign?
A: He cannot be. God sovereignly chose not to be sovereign, and is therefore dependent upon me to come to Him for salvation. He standeth outside the door of my heart, forlornly knocking, until such time as I Decide to let Him in.
9. Q: What is the assurance of thy salvation?
A: The assurance of thy salvation is, that I know the date on which I prayed the Sinner’s Prayer, and have duly written this date on an official Decision card.
11. Q: You ask me how I know he lives?
A: He lives within my heart.
12. Q: And what else hast thou got in thine heart?
A: I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.
13. Q: Where??
A: Down in my heart!
14. Q: Where???
A: Down in my heart!!
15. Q: What witness aid hath been given us as a technique by which we may win souls?
A: The tract known commonly as the Four Spiritual Laws, is the chief aid whereby we may win souls.
16. Q: What doth this tract principally teach?
A: The Four Spiritual Laws principally teach, that God’s entire plan for history and the universe centereth on me, and that I am powerful enough to thwart His divine purpose if I refuse to let Him pursue His Wonderful Plan for my life.
17. Q: What supplementary technique is given by which we may win souls?
A: The technique of giving our own Personal Testimony, in the which we must always be ready to give an answer concerning the years we spent in vanity and pride, and the wretched vices in which we wallowed all our lives until the day we got saved.
18. Q: I’m so happy, what’s the reason why?
A: Jesus took my burden all away!
19. Q: What are the means given whereby we may save large crowds of souls in a spectacular manner?
A: Such a spectacle is accomplished by means of well-publicized Crusades and Revivals which (in order that none may be loath to attend) are best conducted anywhere else but in a Church.
23. Q: What is sanctification?
A: Sanctification is the work of my free Will, whereby I am renewed by having my Daily Quiet Time.
25. Q: What doth the Lord’s Prayer teach us?
A: The Lord’s Prayer teacheth us that we must never memorize a prayer, or use one that hath been written down.
28. Q: Who is on the Lord’s side?
A: He who doth support whatsoever is done by the nation of Israel, and who doth renounce the world, the flesh, and the Catholic Church.
30. Q: What is a sacrament?
A: A sacrament is an insidious invention devised by the Catholic Church whereby men are drawn into idolatry.
31. Q: What is the Lord’s Supper?
A: The Lord’s Supper is a dispensing of saltines and grape juice, in the which we remember Christ’s command to pretend that they are His body and blood.
32. Q: What is baptism?
A: Baptism is the act whereby, by the performance of something that seems quite silly in front of everyone, I prove that I really, really mean it.
33. Q: What is the Church?
A: The Church is the tiny minority of individuals living at this time who have Jesus in their hearts, and who come together once a week for a sermon, fellowship and donuts.
35. Q: What meaneth “The Priesthood Of All Believers”?
A: The Priesthood Of All Believers meaneth that there exists no authority in the Church, as that falsely thought to be held by pastors, priests, and bishops, but that each individual Christian acts as his own authority in all matters pertaining to the faith.
36. Q: Who is the Holy Spirit?
A: The Holy Spirit is a gentleman Who would never barge in.
37. Q: How long hath the Holy Spirit been at work?
A: The Holy Spirit hath been at work for more than a century: expressly, since the nineteenth-century Revitalization brought about by traveling Evangelists carrying tents across America.
39. Q: What is the name of the event by which Christians will escape these dreadful entities?
A: The event commonly known as the Rapture, in the which it is our Blessed Hope that all cars driven by Christians will suddenly have no drivers.
I was brought up in evangelical churches and later became a Lutheran, so I have a pretty good understanding and appreciation of the nuances in this and the theology behind it. It was a great relief to me to stop trying to have a feeling of salvation and instead trust in God’s promises. Nonetheless, these Christians worship the Holy Trinity and trust in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins. So we’re just talking denominational differences here.
In some cases yes and in some cases no. I have seen, firsthand, people lose their active faith in God because they based their faith on some of these grave misinterpretations. You probably weren’t in a more fundamentalist church. I have known people, dealing with depression or addiction, who were told repeatedly that their faith in God was not strong enough to break it. Those people eventually abandoned their faith in God. So, the list is funny in some ways, but reminds me of sad cases. And yes, most Christians share belief in the Trinity and believe that Jesus died once and for all for the sins of the world. That’s a good thing. This list is more about what happens after that.
I was brought up in small, conservative, rural, non-denominational churches. My parents were Church of the Nazarene, but there was no congregation in the area.
I attended a parochial boarding school, grades 9-12 that was run by “main-stream” (ha) Mennonites, Berean Fundamentalists, and Baptists. So I have had considerable “exposure” to some branches of Christian teaching beyond Martin Luther.
I agree that some of the denominations really get far-out, to the point of actually driving people away from God. In fact, it took nearly 20 years for me to come back to church after I once escaped — but God in his own way and time brought me to the Lutheran church and a pastor I could respect and talk to.
Still, I think there are many well-meaning Christians in many of those denominations who will share heaven with us someday. Honestly, it hurts me a little to make fun of them — but better to laugh than to cry, I suppose.
Lately, around my parents’ dinner table, we’ve been talking about how free we are now that we’ve become Lutheran. It’s really nice to know that we can’t decide for ourselves and nothing we can do will increase or decrease our standing with God. It takes a lot of pressure off and it makes me feel more free.