Girlfriends
I have no girlfriends. I have come to this conclusion today. I am not depressed or lamenting my life. I’m just facing a fact and deciding whether or not I need to take steps to develop some closer girl friendships.
I have a husband who is my best friend, to a depth not expressable with words or actions. The joy and satisfaction of my husband’s friendship has probably kept me from needing many girlfriends, yet there are times when I wish I had a few. I know many, many people and am friendly with them. I have baseball girlfriends, hockey girlfriends, football girlfriends, kids’ schools girlfriends, church girlfriends…and now several, very fun and cool, yet sort-of anonymous blogger girlfriends. I also have many male friends, but they can’t qualify as girlfriends for obvious reasons.
My friendship life has consisted of:
Maria - my best friend from my age 9 to 15. We lost touch as we became adults and became very, very different from each other.
Annette - my best friend from age 15 to 18. We lost touch nearly immediately after high school.
Lori and Christine - my best friends in college (my second attempt at college). We still keep in touch, but live far apart from each other.
Rob - my husband and best friend for the past 21 1/2 years.
I have never been one of those girls that has tons of friends. I envied them, but knew I wasn’t like that. I am not a loner, I love being around other people. I just like to keep a tight circle. I can be shy, although I am also totally comfortable speaking to an audience. I can be quite sensitive and introspective, but age has given wisdom to put things into a healthy life perspective.
Through it all, my mother and sister, and now my daughter, have been very much like best friends, too. However, mothers, daughters and sisters cannot be truly best friends because the familial relationship sometimes supercedes the friendship and sometimes causes friction. You can WANT to be best friends with your sister, for example, but there are times that the sister relationship comes into play and she can only view you as a sister.
I think the reason I don’t have any close girlfriends is because, first of all, I am very close to my husband and children. I have seen women who put friends before their families with disasterous effects. I do believe that husband and wife can meet each others emotional needs, if they fully put their trust in each other as God-given spouses. Still, I want girlfriends to call up for a movie, or a dinner out or shopping. Rob has some buddies that he gets together with once a month (or less) for a basketball game or beer or fishing.
I know there are other reasons I don’t have close girlfriends, but this is a blog and not my personal diary. I do know that it mostly has to do with shyness and fear of rejection, the busyness of raising a family and my odd interests (I know of few women locally that interested in religion and politics as I am). I hope that age brings me the wisdom to put those fears into a healthier perspective. This post has ending up sounding like a new year’s resolution, but maybe that is fitting for the new life of our Easter celebration.
8:39pm Post note: I’ve edited my post, in consideration of Devona’s observations.
I don’t intend to belittle your lament of loneliness. But you are truly blessed to have a husband that you can consider your best friend. He will never leave you, and will love you even if you do something dorky.
I only have a couple of girls that I enjoy hanging ot with, and I am begining to enjoy it less now that I have a baby and I feel like I’m just not getting through to them any more. The four girls is slowly falling to two. And one of them lives out of state. I think that it is the product of wanting your family to come first, just like you said.
With that said, although there’s an age difference, if you lived around me, I’d hang out with you. And I know Mary would to.
Thanks for the comments, Devona. Part of my problem has been busyness with young children. During that time I did lose touch with friends. Also, many friendships are dependant on the situation: a moms in touch group, a job, a neighbor, etc. Friendships made in those situations often disappear when the situation changes.
My husband is my best friend and the joy and satisfaction of his friendship has probably kept me from needing many girlfriends. But he is still my husband and not a woman (duh) and I certainly can’t giggle with him over something only us girls think is funny. Of course, I can giggle with him over things that only he and I would think was funny.
P.S. I know I would get along great with you and Mary! Who knows what the future holds?
Dont feel bad, your not alone!! I only have one close girlfriend and one sometimes close one and thats about it. I always got along with guys better…..girls get weirded out by real women who can fix the car and cook a mean porkchop or be interested in such horrid things as politics!!!